Wednesday, January 23, 2013

ONLY IN TZ/BONGO: WHERE YOU CAN BUY A CHARTER PLANE FOR 500,000 TSHS.




By Mpayukaji,

Those who grew up under socialism and self-reliance should forgive me. I mean true socialists and wajamaa under Mwl. J.K Nyerere; who did not take the society for a ride by robbing it. Forgive me for embarking on the science of uchakachuaji that turns everything topsy turvy. Wonder not. Our hunk is now advanced thanks to this very science a cabal of biggies use to make killings almost in every deal.


Again, after Nyerere resigned and smart putas took over, Ujamaa and Kujitegemea (socialism and self-reliance) was felled. In its place, they introduced predatory kleptocracy and Selfishness or uhujumaa and kujimegea. You can call it self-serving and Socioevelism. This new vampiric policy was invented in Zanzibar so as to be referred to as Zanzibar declaration that felled Arusha Declaration of Socialism and Self-reliance.

Since obnoxious Zenj abracadabra came to effects, everything changed. Socialism was turned to its head. Ethics became antiques while corruption became etiquette. We started seeing superrich guys who used to dupe us pretending they’re socialists little knowing they’re but hyenas under a sheep’s skin.

That it came to the light that some thugs are selling aeroplanes to themselves at the tune of just Tshs. 500,000, poof! Seriously I’m going to own a plane. Why shouldn't I buy one if at all planes are cheaper than Bajaj? Do you know what they do? They just steal spare parts and ruin the planes then write them off before allocating them to themselves.

Actually, I also will buy a government villa given that it’ll be even cheaper than a plane. Do you remember those political mega faunas that bent the law and grabbed public houses? I still remember the spin they put on their macabre act.

I wonder especially when I hear people saying that Mr. Kanywaji Magufuri should become our next president. How if at all he’s the one who oversaw this thuggish exercise? Hell no. He’s one of the fisadis who stole our houses. If he becomes president, won’t he vend our ikulu? When it comes to his party that authorized this theft, public confident in it’s always taken a knock. How can the general public keep its confidence in them if at all they flipflop almost everything with the aim of flimflamming it? I wonder. Why don’t donors smell this rotten rat?!

Like those who sold public ranches to themselves at a throwaway price, I’ll see to it that I buy one ranch for my nyumba ndogo. Don’t read this sentence loudly or tell anybody. Otherwise you want the lady I share a bed with to put me in trouble. The other day she caught me winking at our maid. She ordered me to wear her skirt for a week. Sometimes she beats me severely. I keep this as a top secret. Do you know that there are many men who are beaten by their wives but they don’t tell? Anyways, leave it there.

Essentially, owning aeroplanes will elevate me just like many thugs in the upper echelons of power who rob the hoi polloi. I know many thugs who are respected just because they own shangingis and mansions even if they robbed the same from public. Do you know how they’re revered even though they’re criminals? Nobody bothers to muse about how those robbers made their ill-gotten riches. Wealth has made rich dogs to become humans; criminals have become saints and villains heroes. Presently, even a thief can be called hero simply because he’s money. How many stooges sell their bodies, countries and what not yet are adored by their poor families simply because they can rob tourists and hoi polloi and provide for them? Since our hunk was bewitched, who cares? Who cares if the saying is ujanja kupata literary a winner takes it all even if by robbing?

What’s more, my driveway will be full-packed with planes not shangingis that thugs can steal easily.

I’ll buy ten planes for my private use. One for me another for my wife and others will be assigned other chores such as taking my kids to schools, dogs and goats to vets and; another will be used to dispose garbage. Another plane will be used by our shamba boy to go to the market to buy some tomatoes, spices, and other stuff. So too, all my “small houses” aka nyumba ndogo will get a plane a piece.

Often times, a good thing about owning planes is that corrupt traffic officers don’t fleece you. No mabaos and such criminal acts car owners face.

I also intend to form Mpayukaji Precision Air (MP air) that will serve the imbibers to go for binge and bungee just like politicians the country over. Imbibers will be allowed to vomit even poop on the plane just like the MPs sleep in the mjengo. My beloved brothers Joni Komba and Steve Wahasira are you there? Imbibers will nary brag when they poop or nap on the plane. I won’t care even though they poo. They’ll simply say it is because of kanywaji not medications. Forget about those liars even if they’re wrongly referred to as wahishimiwa while they actually are dishonorable.

After forming my Air Company, I’ll run for president. I’m sure: the monies to be made in this biz will enable me to offer takrima to the Bongolalalanders to massively vote for me. After becoming president I’ll print and mint more money so as to become a trillionaire. True, I’ll become the first trillionaire in the world beating Bill Gates and other plutocrats. Today’s wisdom is from Wendell Philips, “Power is every stealing from the many to the few.”

Source: This Day Jan., 14-20, 2013

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